My whole life I have lied to myself.

I have told myself little things to feel better. I have convinced myself of things to avoid taking any action or responsibility for the way I look. I have avoided using certain words because I don’t like the way they sound.

When I first started getting fit, I started to think about some of these lies. I started to say them out loud. And I started to realise how ridiculous they sound.

Lie number 1:

“You are supposed to be this size”

Well, I know that this is a lie because I was not alway this size. There was a point in my life when I was a size 10-12 and could see my toes; now I am a size 18-20 and haven’t seen my fanny in years. When I was younger I could also eat anything that I wanted to and didn’t have to exercise. I would shovel in all sorts of crap just because I could. My diet was appalling. At one point I think I survived on microwave mash potato, steak bakes and cans of Red Bull. I was always first to hit the chippy on the way home from a club. I would be first up to order takeaway pizza to cure my hangover. I remember laughing at people when they would tell me my metabolism would slow down and I would pay for this later in life. Now when I laugh my belly does a little jiggle.

Lie number 2:

“You would look silly as a skinny person”

Ok, this is only a semi lie because when I lose weight it goes from everywhere expect my boobs. So I do look a little bit silly when I am skinny. But seriously, who looks silly when they are skinny? I might not look like myself, but that is because I am a different version of myself. And why would this ever be a reason for someone not to take better care of themselves? You know what does look silly? Having to sit down when I play with my nephews because I am out of breath. Having to go outside for air on a night out because I am too hot due to my excess weight. Having to undo my jeans because I have eaten too much and my clothes are all too tight. Those are the things that look silly.

Lie number 3:

“You could lose the weight easily if you wanted to”

Now I know this is a lie because I did it once before. When I went to university, I put on a lot of weight. I went up to a size 18 after my second year and I was really unhappy with my size. So my best friend helped me to do something about it. I joined Rosemary Conley’s weight loss program. I had to watch everything I ate. I had to check all food for fat content and weigh the things I was eating. I had to think twice before I went out for dinner. I had to work out every week and be weighed in a room full of strangers. It definitely was not easy. Since then I have also tried several times to get fit. I have tried having a personal trainer, joining expensive gyms, signing up for boot camps, purchasing exercise dvd’s and buying any sort of miracle pill I could find on the internet. And I am still the same size. So yes, this is a massive lie.

Lie number 4:

“You are not fat”

Well, a whole load of doctors and scientists would disagree with this statement. With a BMI of 34, I am classed as obese. Not even overweight but actually obese. I don’t know why I shy away from the word fat. For years I have flinched when people say it, even if they aren’t talking about me. And I am definitely not in support of fat shaming (will write a post about this in the future) but I also believe in reality.

My biggest step to doing something about the way I looked was to be honest with myself and stop telling all the lies. I am a fat person. I would feel better in myself if I lost some weight and got fitter. There is no specific size I am supposed to be but I would like to be a smaller size. I even caught myself the other day when I was talking about my fitness. I was about to say “I don’t think I will ever be a size 12′ and I stopped because I don’t know that. Maybe I will get to a size 12, but I know if I start telling myself I won’t then there is no way I can ever get there.

Everyone has their own fitness journey for their own reasons. But you can only start that journey when you are honest with yourself and also stop putting blockers in your way. I know I have just started telling myself the truth and I have a lot further to go.

Let me know if any of this resonates with you. Have any of you told yourself lies to stop taking action? How did you start being honest? How do you feel now you have been honest?

Thanks for reading